New to the Table

Why is a man like a panda? Because they both eat, shoots and-no, wait. I told it wrong. Why are men like pandas? Because they eat shoots-what? Look, I was very young when I heard this joke and I didn’t get it then. It’s not even funny. Forget it.

Who likes games about crop irrigation in feudal Japan? Alright. Who likes hungry pandas pissing off frantic gardeners? Yeeaah TAKENOKO!

Let’s all silently rifle through the box.

(Reviews of all my unboxings can be found on OTHER PEOPLE’S WEBSITES - actually I will get round to reviewing each game. It’s my new years resolution. But, for now, just shush and look at the pictures.)

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Take on the role of a manager willing to do anything to launch his rock band to stardom. Recruit musicians, find gigs, cut records. Keeping a tight grip of the budget is key to success in Rockband Manager as overspending early in the game on top flight musicians will hamper your ability to secure high profile venues or even advertise the band effectively. Sound familiar?

*coughrockstaratemyhamstercough*

Designer, Antoine Bauza gives a fleeting acknowledgement to the classic 8bit Codemasters game, Rock Star Ate My Hamster in the back of the rule book, stating that Rockband Manager “would not have been possible without” it. Neither the developer or the programmer are name checked, merely a link to the ‘…Hamster’ Wikipedia page.

I think I would have preferred to see a ‘…Hamster’ card game, but that’s just nostalgia talking.

I’ve just remembered that the name of the game Rock Star Ate My Hamster was a parody of famous 1980s newspaper headline Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster and in light of recent events (Starr probably being a nonce) it’s for the best thatOH I’M RAMBLING LET’S LOOK IN THE BOX!!

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The Isle of Doctor Necreaux was always my first choice of solo card game. When I bought Space Hulk Death Angel, it was because Necreaux was out of stock. When I bought The Lord of the Rings LCG, it was because Necreaux was out of stock. I have coveted this game for months and months.

It came in the post yesterday.

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Black Cannon, Parker Brothers’ swashbuckling privateer board game of 1986, is unique in that it’s a piratey product that DIDN’T get a hasty re-skin following the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

Forgotten and dusty on the bottom shelf of a charity shop, here’s some vintage porn of a copy I plundered.

Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!

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Gamewright’s Forbidden Island, designed by Matt Leacock (of Pandemic fame). This co-operative adventure came recommended by my friends at @ExplodingRobot.

Here come the pictures.

Any crumbs are the result of some lovely home-made scones that I was eating while shooting.

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It’s no secret that I’m a huge Batman fan. Massive. It was only a matter of time, really, until my new hobby crashed head-first into my oldest obsession. I needed a Batman board game. Stat.

My girlfriend, @CarysKenway, anticipated this need and went ahead and got me one. This one. And, to be fair, she could have done a lot worse. Hero Clix is still quite pricey and has that ‘collectable’ angle that I’m just not into. I want my board games to be complete and stand alone. The Batman board games from the 60s right up to the 90s all offer the same, race around a set route, snakes & ladders vibe that would bore the buttons off me. Shadow Assault, here, looks about as good as a cheaply made, licensed Caped Crusader game is likely to get.

Player one controls four Batmen (in the rules it is said that Batman “seems to appear in multiple locations at once”. I like that feature. It’s hard to feel badass when in constant catch-up mode, and don’t worry, the odds aren’t stacked in P1’s favour as you will soon find out, probably in THE NEXT SENTENCE). Player two “is” Ra’s al Ghul, in control of twenty ninjas.

So, unboxing Batman Begins - Shadow Assault, then. Or Batman vs. La Liga De Sombras juego, to give it it’s Spanish title (it’s educational already, see? ‘sombras’ = shadows, ‘liga’ = league, ‘Batman’ = Batman) comes in an incredibly flimsy box. I’m talking Christmas selection box flimsy. Breathe too much near this thing and I can see it warping itself into an orange ball of absorbed dampness.

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Thanks go to Steven Wall for Christening this feature that will pop up whenever a man in a van brings me a new game. Why should I get all the box opening fun? I’m the sharing type. The only thing I can’t give you is the vague solventy new-game whiff or the farty noise that happens when you struggle to get the lid off for the first time. What? No farty noise? Is that just me? ¬_¬

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